How to Stop Saying Yes Too Soon (Without Feeling Like a Jerk)

How to Stop Saying "Yes" To Too Much, Too Quickly

If your life feels like a never-ending episode of Yes Man (minus Jim Carrey’s paycheck), it might be time to re-evaluate your knee-jerk “Sure, I can do that!” reflex.

Saying yes too quickly is basically the fast track to overwhelm— at work, at home, and everywhere in between. The problem? You’re not a supercomputer with unlimited RAM. You’re a HUMAN BEING. And every time you give an automatic "yes", you’re setting yourself up for impossible timelines, resentment, or late-night stress and overthinking sessions that keep you up all night. (Don't worry— I'm literally preaching to myself right now. I'm writing this blog post for me too, to come back to as needed, which will likely be often.)

The good news is, you CAN break the habit without becoming a grumpy hermit who says no to everything. Let’s talk practical strategies for slowing down that reflex and giving yourself room to breathe.

First, Let's Address Why We Say Yes Too Soon (and What’s Really Going On)

Before we talk solutions, let’s get honest about the why. Because most of us don’t say yes too fast out of pure chaos energy— it’s usually rooted in habits, fears, and the way we’ve been conditioned.

1. People-Pleaser Tendencies

This one’s classic. You don’t want to disappoint anyone, so you default to "yes". Maybe you grew up thinking being “easygoing” or “helpful” was how people would like you. But the catch is, every time you say yes to someone else, you’re more times than not, saying no to yourself— to your rest, to your actual priorities, to your sanity.

How to Reframe it: Saying no doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you honest. And honesty builds more respect than quietly resenting people while you stress-eat Cheez-Its at midnight.

2. Instant-Answer Culture

We live in a world of read receipts, Slack pings, and “per my last email…” guilt trips. No wonder you feel like you owe people an immediate response. But here’s the truth: most people would rather have a slower, thoughtful answer than a rushed "yes" you can’t follow through on.

How to Reframe it: You’re not ghosting people, you’re creating space to give a reliable response. Think of it like customer service... you’d rather wait a day for the right part to fix your car than get a quick but useless “sure, we’ll take care of it.”

3. Optimistic Time Blindness

Ah, the old “I can totally squeeze this in” lie we tell ourselves all the time. You overestimate your future energy and underestimate how long things actually take (spoiler: everything takes longer than we initially think). The result? You’ve promised three different people you’ll deliver “by Friday” and now you’re mainlining iced coffee and bargaining with the Lord for extra hours in the day.

Not to mention, we don't just over-estimate our future energy, but we also tend to look at our schedule, see some open spots or a few free hours here and there, but fail to think about or incorporate rest time, breaks, or to schedule in things that would refuel us and our creativity, and our energy. And suddenly, we've scheduled ourselves back-to-back meetings, projects, appointments, etc, and we're running on fumes, with no time to stop for lunch, no time to hop on a much-needed call with your mom or best friend, or no time to just go sit in silence on the porch for an hour or so to collect your thoughts.

How to Reframe it: Future You is already booked. Protect them. If your schedule might be clear, it’s still safer to commit to later— and surprise people with early delivery— than to overpromise and leave people disappointed.

The bottom line is this... These three habits are sneaky forms of self-sabotage. Recognize them, reframe them, and you’ll break the cycle of accidental overwhelm.

So, How Do We Fix These Things?

Step 1: Build in a Pause (a.k.a. The Power of the Delayed Yes)

Here’s the hard truth... most of us don’t overcommit because we want to— we overcommit because we don’t give ourselves enough time not to. That split second between someone asking and you answering is where your whole week gets hijacked.

Think of it like impulse shopping. You walk into Target for toothpaste, see a $20 throw pillow, and suddenly, you’re redecorating your entire living room. Saying yes too quickly is the calendar version of that.

Why the Pause Works

• It disrupts the reflex. A pause forces your brain to move from autopilot people-pleaser mode into rational decision-making.

• It gives you perspective. What feels doable in the moment may look completely overwhelming when you glance at your actual to-do list.

• It signals respect. Funny enough, people usually respect you more when you take their request seriously enough to consider it before responding.

What to Say Instead of “Yes!”

You don’t need a whole TED Talk, you don't need to explain your entire week's schedule or prior commitments to anyone in great detail— just a simple placeholder. Try these:

• “Let me check my schedule and I’ll let you know.”

• “That sounds great, can I get back to you by [tomorrow, the end of the week, next week?]”

• “I need to see what I’ve already got on my plate before I commit— can I circle back?”

• "Let me check with my wife/husband/partner and make sure we don't already have something going on at that time that I might be overlooking, and I'll get back with you."

• "I know my schedule has been looking a bit full here recently, and my capacity has been a bit limited, so let me check my calendar and see if I've got the bandwidth to take this on, and I'll get right back with you!"

There's literally nothing wrong with giving a brief, honest answer and coming back to people. If people can't respect your answer and give you a small window of space to consider what's best for you, your schedule, or your capacity, then it's okay to give them a kind but firm "no" in that situation. But usually, 9 times out of 10, people are super understanding, and you're putting MORE pressure on yourself than they're putting on you!

Extra Hack: Have a Default Delay Rule

Make it your personal policy that you never say yes on the spot (unless it’s life-or-death, like, “Can you hold this ladder?”). That way, you don’t have to decide whether to pause— it’s just what you do. It might take time to build this reflex into your default response bank, but it'll be worth it!

For example, implement a "24-hour rule" where you always sleep on requests at least one night before committing and saying "yes". This will give you a good bare-minimum timeline to take a look at your calendar, think about your current commitments, mental state, and whether or not you can actually handle taking something else on at this time, and consider outside factors that could, and potentially will come into play if you do say yes.

I know this has been helpful for me. For example, there have been a few times that I've delayed a "yes", and spent the next 24 hours taking my time to...

1. Ponder the actual task that's being requested of me and whether or not it's something I a) want to do, b) am passionate about and good at, and c) have time and capacity to do at this time

2. Look over my calendar and what else I have going on in both my work life and my personal life (because if I've got a lot going on in one of those realms, then it helps to keep the other one a bit more open and less overwhelming to balance things out)

3. See if anything more emergent comes up during that 24 hours that might need to take precedence over the requested task (because nothing sucks for both parties quite like saying "yes" then having to back out unintentionally).

4. Come up with a thoughtful, helpful, and honest response. If I'm able and willing to do whatever is being requested, that's great! Or, if for some reason I'm unable to at that time, I can give the person a reponse with substance, that isn't just "Sorry, I can't right now", "Sorry, how about next time", and instead I can give them a brief, honest explanation as to why I'm unable to help them with x, y and/or z right now, offer them a new date and or time, and possibly even another solution or recommendation. This way, everybody wins in some capacity.

How to Handle Pushback

Sometimes, not always, people DO push for an instant answer. That’s when you lean on a firm but kind line... Take a few of these and save them for later...

• “I’d rather give you a solid yes later than a shaky one right now.”

• “I don’t want to overcommit and let you down— let me confirm once I know for sure.”

• I need to double-check what’s already on my plate first. I’ll get back to you by [time/day].”

• “My week’s already mapped out. The earliest I could realistically start this is [date]. Does that work for you?”

• “I’ve learned I do better when I don’t commit on the spot, let me check my calendar before I say yes.”

• “I want to give this the right attention, and I need a little time to see where it fits.”

• “If it’s okay, I’ll get back to you once I’ve prioritized my current list.”

• “I don’t want to say yes now and leave you or myself in a bind later, let me check a few things, and I’ll let you know once I’m sure.”

Most people will back off when they realize you’re being considerate, not flaky. And to be honest, you might even cause them to stop, take a breath, and consider how much is on their own plate as well... For all you know, they may decide that what they're asking isn't as pressing as they initially thought, allowing you both more space for planning.

Step 2: Use a Filter Question (Your Built-In BS Detector)

Every time someone asks you for something, your brain instantly wants to default to “Sure, I can handle it!” But here’s the thing: your mouth is faster than your brain. That’s why you need a simple checkpoint question— a filter that slows things down and forces you to gut-check before you blurt out a "yes."

Why Filter Questions Work

• They break the emotional spell. When you’re flattered, pressured, or caught off guard, you’re not thinking rationally. A filter question interrupts the knee-jerk "yes."

• They shift focus back to you. Instead of thinking, “What will they think if I say no?”, you’re asking, “What will this cost me if I say yes?”

• They simplify the decision. Big, messy commitments become a lot clearer when you put them through a single question lens.

Examples of Filter Questions

Here are some to test drive in some scenarios...

• “Does this align with my top priorities right now?” 👉 If it’s not moving you closer to your goals (at work or in life), it could possibly be a "no."

• “Would I be okay if this were due tomorrow?” 👉 If that thought makes your chest tighten, it’s not a smart yes.

• “If I say yes, what am I saying no to?” 👉 Because every yes takes time and energy from somewhere else— family time, rest, self-care, or another project or client.

• “Am I agreeing because I want to, or because I feel guilty?” 👉 Motivation matters. Guilt-driven yeses almost always turn into resentment.

• “Would I say yes if there were zero expectations to explain why I said no?” 👉 Strips away the pressure of having to justify your boundaries.

How to Use Them in Real Life

1. Pick your favorite 1–2. Don’t overload yourself, just choose the ones that resonate most.

2. Make them visible. Stick a Post-It on your desk, or jot it in your notes app.

3. Run every new request through them. Seriously, even “harmless” small asks. Overcommitment usually happens one tiny "yes" at a time, not from saying "yes" to occasional big asks.

Think of filter questions like a personal spam folder for requests. Most things won’t pass the filter— and that’s a good thing. You’ll start saying fewer but better yeses, which means less overwhelm and more energy for the stuff that actually matters.

Step 3: Treat "Yes" Like Money (Because It Is a Currency)

Every time you say yes, you’re spending something: time, energy, focus, even emotional bandwidth, and the problem is, most of us act like we’ve got an unlimited budget of yeses. Spoiler alert... we don’t. Your calendar is already proof that your “yes account” has a hard cap.

So what if you treated your yeses like cash in your wallet— finite, valuable, and worth protecting?

Why This Works

• It reframes yes as a choice, not an obligation. You’re not “being difficult” by hesitating; you’re budgeting wisely.

• It helps you spot the impulse yeses. Just like you wouldn’t drop $500 on shoes without thinking, you won’t burn a yes on something unimportant.

• It makes your yeses more powerful. When people know you don’t give them out like candy, they’ll trust that your yes means something.

The “Yes Budget” Exercise

Imagine you only get 5 yeses per month to non-essential asks (aka anything outside your baseline responsibilities).

Ask yourself these questions...

• “Is this yes worth 20% of my monthly budget?”

• “Will I be glad I spent one of my yeses here in two weeks?”

• “Would I rather save this yes for something else?”

This simple mental math makes it easier to filter out the nice-to-haves from the must-dos, and protects us from feeling overwhelmed with guilt when we do need to tell people "no."

Spend, Save, or Splurge

Think of your yeses in categories:

• Spend: Routine commitments you’re happy or even delighted to do (e.g., dinner with a friend you haven’t seen in months). These are the things that bring you true joy, that make your life more fulfilling.

• Save: Pass on things that don’t align right now (e.g., joining yet another committee, when you’re already in three, booking another one or two projects when your calendar is already feeling a little tight). These are things that are good things, but things that aren't going to make or break you if you don't say yes "right now". Things that still make you happy, are fulfilling, or are good for maybe a lot of different reasons, but can definitely be added to the "not right now" or "let's circle back to this in [x] [days, weeks, months]" columns."

• Splurge: Go all in when it’s truly worth it (e.g., saying yes to a big project that excites you, even if it stretches you a little bit, or maybe committing to something outside your comfort zone that challenges you in a good way).

• Pass: Pass altogether on these things. These are things that suck the joy out of you, drain your energy, or that you truly don't feel like you could do well, or have the passion to do. (e.g., working with a client whose industry doesn't align with your values despite the potential paycheck; agreeing to speak at an unpaid event that doesn’t align with your business or interests, and would swallow your entire weekend in prep, or taking on the role of default family event planner when it leaves you resentful and exhausted.)

When you start taking the time to categorize people's requests of you in these 4 areas, you can make wiser and more aligned decisions!

Pro Hack: Create a “Yes Ledger”

At the start of the month, jot down each yes you give— big or small. By week two, you’ll start to see how quickly your budget gets eaten up. This awareness alone can be the shock you need to protect your future self from overwhelm.

The bottom line is this... Saying "yes" is an investment. Spend wisely, and you’ll feel rich in time and energy. Spend recklessly, and you’ll find yourself overdrawn, stressed, and wondering why you agreed to bake 200 cupcakes for the PTA with a 24-hour notice only after remembering you have to take your kid to practice that night, and also forgetting you were supposed to be going out to dinner with a friend afterward.

Step 4: Swap ASAP for Realistic Timelines (Work & Life Tip)

Here’s the thing: “ASAP” is not a deadline. It’s a trap. It’s vague, it’s stressful, and it sets you up to look unreliable when you inevitably can’t deliver in superhero time.

When you default to “I’ll get it to you by tomorrow”, what you’re really doing is overpromising to look helpful in the moment— and then scrambling behind the scenes to juggle 14 invisible deadlines that nobody else knows about. That’s how burnout sneaks in.

The antidote? Realistic timelines.

Why Realistic Timelines Work

• They build trust. People stop seeing you as the person who might deliver and start seeing you as the one whose word is solid.

• They lower your stress. Suddenly, you’ve got breathing room instead of living in panic mode.

• They clarify expectations. No more vague “soon”— just clear, predictable delivery.

The Magic Word: Realistically

That one word changes everything... “I’ll get this to you by tomorrow” or "I'll get back to you by Friday" sounds like wishful thinking. Whereas, "I can realistically get this to you by next Thursday of next week” sounds thoughtful, grounded, and dependable.

It signals you’ve checked your capacity, weighed your priorities, and are giving an honest answer— not a fantasy one.

Practical Phrases to Use Instead of “ASAP”

• “I want to give this the attention it deserves— the earliest I can realistically start is [date].”

• “Given my current deadlines, I can realistically deliver this by [date]. Does that work?”

• “If this is urgent, I’ll need to shift another priority, and it'll be a 10% rush fee. Which should take precedence?”

• “I don’t want to promise sooner and let you down— [date] is when I know I'll have the time and capacity to be able to do this well.”

Build Yourself a Buffer

Pro tip: Even if you think you can knock it out in 2 days, pad the timeline a bit just in case. If you say Thursday but deliver Tuesday, you’re a rockstar. If you say Tuesday and deliver Thursday, you’re unreliable. Always underpromise and overdeliver.

Red Flag Words to Avoid

When you’re tempted to use these, stop and reframe:

• “ASAP” → say a specific day, and if you're able to, make sure it's not in the same week.

• “I’ll try” → say what you can do. Don't give someone a vague answer just for the sake of giving them AN answer.

• “Soon” → define exactly when. If it's next week, tell them that. If it's next month, tell them that to. And if it's simply that you can't right now, then tell them that.

Essentially, vague promises kill trust. Realistic timelines build it. Stop thinking “How fast can I say yes?” and start thinking “When can I deliver this well?” Your sanity and your reputation will thank you.

Step 5: Frame It as Capacity, Not Refusal

So, here’s the sneaky truth... Most of the time when you’re afraid to say no, what you really mean is “not right now.” But because we’re conditioned to equate boundaries with rejection, we panic and overcommit instead. So what we can do instead, is frame your answer in terms of capacity. You’re not refusing— you’re making it clear when you can deliver, without torching your energy or blowing other deadlines.

Why This Works

• It’s honest. You’re acknowledging your limits without ghosting or dodging responsibility.

• It’s respectful. You’re giving the other person clarity so they can plan around you.

• It’s collaborative. Instead of shutting down the request, you’re opening a conversation about timing.

How to Phrase It

Instead of flat-out saying “no,” anchor your response in availability. Here are a few examples of what you might say to someone...

• “I’m fully booked this week, but I can take it on starting the 16th.”

• “I want to give this the time it deserves, and honestly, right now I won’t have bandwidth until next month. Does that still work?”

• “The earliest I could start is [date]. If that timeline doesn’t work, I completely understand.”

• “I’m maxed out right now, but I’d love to revisit this in [X weeks/months].”

Think of it like a raincheck. You’re showing willingness, but on terms that won’t leave you overwhelmed or filled with regret. And here’s the kicker: people USUALLY appreciate the transparency because it sets realistic expectations instead of vague promises.

Bonus Move: Offer an Option

If you want to go the extra mile, pair your timeline with a helpful alternative:

“I can start this mid-September, or if it needs to happen sooner, I recommend [X resource/person].”

This way, you’re still being solution-oriented while protecting your own bandwidth. Saying “not right now” isn't a nasty rejection— it’s responsible project management and reasonably protects your time, energy, and others in your life who depend on those things, like your spouse, your kids, your coworkers, or other clients. It communicates: I value your request, and I want to do it well. Here’s when that’s possible. That’s how you earn long-term respect instead of short-term approval.

Step 6: Use the “If/Then” Reframe (Work Life Pro Move)

Sometimes “not right now” isn’t enough— especially when someone insists their thing is urgent. This is where the if/then reframe comes in. Instead of just absorbing the stress yourself, you shine a spotlight on the reality: if you’re going to say yes to this new thing, something else has to move.

Why It Works

• It shifts the burden of choice. You’re not saying “I won’t.” You’re saying, “Here’s the reality— you tell me what’s most important.”

• It makes trade-offs visible. People tend to forget you’re juggling 37 other tasks, projects, or responsibilities. This forces them to see the domino effect of their request.

• It preserves your credibility. You’re not dropping balls or missing deadlines; you’re proactively managing priorities.

Work Examples

When a boss, client, or coworker says, “I really need this done this week,” you can respond with:

• “If this needs to be done this week, then I’ll need to push back [X project]. Which should take priority?”

• “If I start on this today, I won’t be able to deliver [other task] on time. Do you want me to shift focus?”

• “If this is urgent, then I’ll need to delegate or delay something else. Which option works best for you?”

This way, you’re not rejecting the request— you’re surfacing the trade-offs so they decide what matters most.

Life Examples

It works outside of work, too, when friends, family, committees, or groups pile on requests.

• “If we go to your cousin’s birthday dinner on Friday, then we won’t make it to my friend’s show the same night— which one should we prioritize?”

• “If I take on organizing the bake sale, then I won’t be able to volunteer at field day. Which role is more important?”

• “If we host community group here this month, then we’ll need to skip inviting people over next weekend so we’re not stretched too thin.”

This way, you’re not being the “bad guy” who says no— you’re being the realistic adult who makes sure everyone understands what’s possible.

What This Does in the Moment

1. It stops the knee-jerk “okay, I’ll figure it out”— which usually just means you overwork yourself.

2. It forces clarity on what’s actually urgent vs. what just feels urgent. (Half the time, once someone sees the trade-off, they’ll say, “Actually, next week is totally fine.”)

3. It positions you as a leader. Instead of being the overwhelmed task-juggler, you’re the calm project manager making sure priorities are clear.

Flip It Into Collaboration

If you don’t want to sound too rigid, soften the language a little bit more...

• I want to make sure I’m focused on the right things. If I start this now, what should I push to later?”

• “I'm happy to prioritize this— just let me know which deadline can move around.”

• “If this needs to move up, I’ll need to pause [X task]— does that make sense?”

• I’d love to help, but if I say yes to this, we’ll need to drop [other plan]. Which do you prefer?”

• “If we commit to that dinner Friday, then we’ll need a quiet Saturday to recharge. Does that sound good?”

• “I can run that errand, but it means I won’t have time to cook tonight— is takeout okay instead?”

It’s not you versus them; it’s you and them against the clock. The if/then reframe is how you stop drowning in “urgent” requests. It shifts the responsibility back where it belongs and turns you into the person who manages priorities like a pro— not the person who burns out trying to do it all.

Step 7: Script Your Responses (Because Panic + Blank Brain = Automatic Yes)

Here’s the reality... When someone asks you for something, your brain usually short-circuits and you jump right into "solution mode". You want to be helpful, you don’t want to disappoint, and before you know it, you’ve blurted out “Sure, I can do that!” even if your to-do list already looks like a CVS receipt.

The trick is not relying on “in the moment” creativity. Preload yourself with a few ready-to-go lines so when you feel that deer-in-the-headlights panic coming on, you can calmly grab a script and protect your boundaries and mental headspace.

Some Scripts to Keep on Hand for Your Personal Life

Use these when friends, family, church, clubs, groups, or neighbors spring requests on you:

• “I’d love to, but I don’t have the capacity this time.”

• “Thanks for asking! I need a slower weekend, so I’ll pass this round.”

• “That sounds fun, but I’m already maxed out this week.”

• “I really appreciate the invite, but I’m protecting my downtime right now.”

• “That’s not something I can commit to at this time— but I hope it goes great!”

• “I want to be fully present if I say yes, and I just can’t be right now.”

• "Hey! I appreciate you thinking of us, but our schedule has been a little packed lately, and we need to take some time to decompress. Maybe next time!"

Helpful Work Life Scripts

These lines work when a coworker, boss, or client hands you another “urgent” thing:

• “I want to give this proper attention, and I can start on it [date].”

• “I’m at capacity this week, but I could fit it in by [date]. Does that work?”

• “If this deadline is flexible, I can take it on starting [date]. If it’s not, I’ll need to adjust priorities with [manager/team]/another project.”

• “The earliest I could realistically deliver this is [date]— does that align with your needs?”

• “If I shift focus to this, I’ll need to delay [X task]. Are you okay with that trade-off?”

• "I don't wanna drop the ball on this/these other task(s) I've got going on right now, so if it's okay, let me finish those up first and we can revisit [this request] afterward."

Scripts for Handling Pushback

Because we all know that sometimes people push for a yes anyway, especially if they're feeling the pressure from someone or somewhere else, too...

• “I understand this is important, but I’d rather give you a solid yes later than a shaky one right now.”

• “I don’t want to overcommit and underdeliver— are you okay if I circle back once I know for sure?”

• “I want to help, but if I say yes now, I’d be doing it halfway. I’d rather wait until I can give it my full effort and attention.”

• “If this absolutely has to happen sooner, I’ll need to adjust something else and [insert trade-off here, whether that's delaying something else, costing more money, or stepping back from another task, position, or responsibility]. What approach would you like me to take?”

Pro Hack: Save Your Scripts

Create a note on your phone labeled “Boundary Lines.” Anytime you catch yourself saying yes when you wish you’d said no, write a new script for next time. That way, you’re literally training future-you to be stronger. Scripts aren't meant to make you sound robotic— they’re about freeing you from that anxious moment when your mouth wants to say yes but your brain knows better. With a few default lines in your back pocket, customized to you, of course, you’ll feel more confident saying no without guilt.

Step 8: Give Yourself a Buffer (Because Life Happens)

If we're being totally honest with ourselves... everything takes longer than we think it will. Emails multiply. Meetings run over. Your kid’s school calls. Your dog throws up on the rug. You come down with the latest bug. No matter how airtight your plan looks on paper, real life is a chaos gremlin.

That’s why buffers are so powerful, because they protect you from reality’s curveballs and turn you into the person who consistently underpromises and overdelivers.

Here's Why Buffers Work, And Are Honestly Genius

• They absorb the unexpected. When something inevitably goes sideways, you’re still on track. No scrambling, no over-explaining, no shuffling.

• They lower your stress. You can work at a normal pace instead of panic-sprinting to the finish line. No scrambling last-minute to get something done.

• They boost your reputation. Delivering early feels impressive; delivering late feels unreliable.

How to Build Buffers at Work

• Add extra days. If you know you can finish in 3 days, commit to 5–7.

• Pad your calendar. Block off “buffer time” each week so you can catch up without cutting into new tasks or your top priorities.

• Set internal vs. external deadlines. Tell your client/boss Friday, but aim to have it done by Wednesday.

For example, instead of: “I’ll send this report by Tuesday.” Say: “You’ll have the report by Friday.” (Then secretly plan to finish Wednesday so Thursday’s chaos doesn’t wreck you.)

How to Build Buffers in Life

• Plan wiggle room. If you need 30 minutes to get somewhere, leave an hour.

• Spread out commitments. Don’t stack dinners, errands, sports, groups, and events back-to-back.

• Budget recovery time. If you know you’ll be out late Saturday, block Sunday morning as “do nothing” time.

For example, instead of: “Sure, I can host community group Thursday after work!” Say: “Next week works better for me— I’ll be less rushed and more present.”

The Rockstar Effect

Delivering early, showing up calm, or having extra bandwidth makes you look like a magician. But really, you’re just working with smart margins. People will think you’re extra dependable when the truth is you’ve just stopped gambling with razor-thin timelines.

Buffers aren’t wasted time— they’re the secret ingredient that turns you from “barely hanging on” into “wow, they’re always so reliable.” Build them into everything, and watch your overwhelm drop like a bad WiFi connection. You'll find yourself feeling super thankful that you incorporated some buffer time when you wake up with a stuffy nose and a migraine, knowing you can take that day to rest, and your deadline isn't for a few more days.

Step 9: Track Your Yes-to-Stress Ratio

It’s one thing to think you’re overcommitting— it’s another to actually see it in black and white. Most of us underestimate how often we say yes and overestimate how much value we actually get back.

That’s where the Yes-to-Stress Ratio comes in. It’s a simple reflection exercise that helps you spot your patterns, and I've found it to be SO helpful and eye-opening!

How to Do It

1. Keep a running log. Start a note on your phone or a page in your planner. Each time you say yes to something, jot it down. (Even small asks like, “Sure, I’ll bake cookies for the office,” count.)

2. Tag it as Value or Stress. After you’ve done it, mark whether that yes added joy/value or just left you drained and resentful.

3. Review weekly. At the end of the week, tally it up. Did most of your yeses feel worthwhile, or were they energy vampires?

What You’ll Notice

• High-value yeses often align with your priorities, feel energizing, bring you joy, add value to your life, or deepen your relationships.

• High-stress yeses usually come from guilt, pressure, or fear of disappointing someone, and leave you feeling resentful, burnt out, or bitter.

When you start to notice you’ve got a 70/30 stress-to-value split, that’s your red flag to tighten your boundaries. Color-code them (green for value, red for stress). Over time, you’ll literally see whether you’re trending toward energized or overwhelmed.

Think of it like a budget app for your energy. You’re not just tracking dollars, you’re tracking what drains and what sustains you.

The Bottom Line

Saying yes too soon isn’t a personality flaw— it’s a habit you've picked up over the years, and while it can be hard to break, it's not impossible. Like any habit, it can be retrained. These key shifts are simple but powerful:

• Pause first. Don’t answer immediately— give yourself space.

• Be realistic. Stop handing out ASAP promises when your capacity is already maxed.

• Have scripts ready. Default lines protect you when your brain wants to blurt out yes.

• Track your patterns. See where your yeses add value and where they drain you.

Here’s the honest truth... People don’t respect you more because you say yes to everything. They respect you when your yes actually means something. A thoughtful, intentional yes builds trust— at work and in life.

So the next time someone asks for your time, your energy, or your commitment, don’t hand over an impulsive yes. Give yourself a pause, check your filter, and choose wisely. Your future, less frazzled self will thank you, and honestly, so will everyone else around you. Because when you stop running on empty, you show up better for the things (and people) that actually matter.

If this was eye-opening or helpful to you, be sure to bookmark it to come back and read time and time again. If you have some additional tips for managing your commitments or how to make sure you're not saying "yes" to too much, too often, I'd love for you to drop them in the comments below!